Stress

Daycare is seriously stressing me out... We thought we had everything set with a woman in our neighborhood. I called her references and they had great things to say about her. So we signed a contract with her and gave her $ for September. She is even letting us bring Holly part time and we get the summers off, but can keep our spot for September. Then my mom did some asking around at her school (the daycare woman's daughter went to high school where my parents teach) and it turns out none of the teachers she spoke to had anything positive to say about this woman- in fact they said they would not recommend her AT ALL. Plus another new mom in our neighborhood had some negative experiences with this woman and decided not to use her. So I don't know what to do... the parents of the kids she currently has say she's great, but these teachers who knew her a number of years ago said they have serious concerns- plus the other mom had a not great experience with her. How can I send Holly to someone I don't trust 100%. I just want to quit my job and stay home with Holly - it would make things so much easier and better. I just don't know what to do. We're on some waitlists, but there's no guarantee that we'll get off of them before September. I've been checking into some other places that do have openings for September, but they don't do part time- which means we'd be paying essentially another rent payment every month- which we could do, it would just mean we would have to seriously cut back in other areas. Why is finding daycare so difficult? I'm moving to Canada or Europe where they actually encourage mom's to stay home with their children.

I hate to be dealing with this and stressing about this when I should just be enjoying spending time with Holly :(

In Holly news, her smiles are getting more regular and more controlled, but she has yet to smile while making eye contact. She'll look at me, then look away and then smile. So hopefully Holly will start smiling directly at me soon. Although for now her look away smiles are pretty damn cute. She's also sleeping better at night. 3-4.5 hour stretches at a time, but I still wake up exhausted. Not sure how that's possible.

1 month picture

Pics

Pictures of S and Holly from mother's day... notice that I am not in any of the pics. I think I need to get someone to take pictures of me with Holly! Oh yeah, and Holly is one month old today! Please tell me that the first month is the hardest and it gets easier ;)

yep, still exhausted

Last week I finally felt like I was coming out of the newborn baby fog I've been in since bringing Holly home, but it seems to be back with full force. For a week she was sleeping for 3 hour stretches at night which meant I could sleep for 3 hour stretches at night too... in the last week though she has gotten REALLY good at getting out of her swaddle about an hour into her sleep, which means she is up way too often, which means I'm back to getting very little sleep :( I guess I shouldn't have been so optimistic about things getting better. It doesn't seem to matter what I swaddle her in, she manages to wiggle her arms out. We even have the miracle blanket but the problem with that is that it takes so long to put her in it that she ends up waking back up by the time she's totally swaddled and I have to start the process of getting her to sleep all over again.

She's also translated her no sleeping at night to no sleeping during the day as well- so I have to choose between shower, food or sleep in the 45 mins- an hour that she naps for at a time. I can't wait for her to get out of this newborn stage- it is sooooo not fun.

Enough bitching about that- how about some good things :)

1. The weather is finally nice- the rain seems to have finally gone. I think it rained every day for 2 weeks straight. The weather did not help the adjustment home with Holly, but now that it's nice out I hope we can take advantage of weather by taking some walks. I even managed to take Holly to the grocery store and Starbucks on Friday. I was surprised that I was physically able to walk all the way there and back without collapsing in exhaustion.

2. I can wear some of my pre-pregnancy clothes! Not all of them and some of my pants are still a little tight around the middle, but my stretchier pants definitely fit. Although with all the spitting up Holly does during the day I sometimes wonder why I even bother to get dressed in the morning.

3. I'm within about 5 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight! Granted I gained less than 30 lbs during the pregnancy anyway and somehow about 18 lbs disappeared by the time I was home from the hospital, but still. Unfortunately I have a saggy tummy that I am not happy with at all- and my butt seems to have disappeared- no idea where the hell that went! I just can't wait to be able to go back to the gym.

4. I think we found daycare. There's a French woman in our neighborhood who watches children and we met with her yesterday. When I first spoke with her she said she didn't do part time, but she's since changed her mind. So I think we can have her watch Holly for 3 days a week. My mom and S's mom will watch Holly the other 2 days during the week. That will help us save a ton of money on childcare. I just need to talk to her references this week. I will be soooo glad to have that piece taken care of. I'm not 100% sold on this woman though- not because I don't think she's qualified, but I think it's because she's French and comes off as French- which sounds silly to say. But what I mean is that she's not very warm and fuzzy- at least not with adults. That's one thing I want to ask her references about. I have to assume she's doing something right with the kids she cares for, given 2 of the 3 references have been sending their child to her for 2+ years.

And now I will leave you with some pictures:
Holly and her daddy having a screaming contest-



Chance stealing Holly's boppy-



Chance- being pathetic... When he wants food and his bowl is empty he usually digs around the bowl and moves it around so that we hear him and give him food. This time he just collapsed by his bowls. Poor pup!