I'm peacing out for awhile...

Got a lot going on and I don't have time to devote to a blog right now... maybe again in the near future, but for now I'm taking a break.

4 months old!

What a big girl!




hmmm...


I didn't do it!

where is my baby?

She's napping in her crib! Holly has not successfully napped in her crib since she was a month old. She has taken all her naps since then on me, someone else or her swing. This has made for very unproductive, boring and lonely days for me. I picked up Baby Whisperer yesterday on a whim (hadn't looked at it in awhile, since the last time I tried to use the suggestions, unsuccessfully) and decided that since Holly is starting day care in less than a month we have to do something about her not napping in her crib. I'm pretty sure the day care people will not be as patient as I, walking her around and around until she falls asleep. So I read up on naps and how to put her to bed (at night and for naps) without the use of props- walking, the boob, etc. So far I've gotten her to take 2 naps in her crib today using the pickup/putdown method. I'm impressed. The first nap only lasted for about 45 mins and she fussed for about 5-10 mins after her nap. She's been asleep for almost an hour and half now, with a little bit of fussing at the 45 min mark. Remarkably she was able to put herself back to sleep in the middle of the nap. I do feel bad though b/c she cries a lot when I first put her down. The strategy is to put them in the crib, when/if they start crying, you pick them up, soothe and as soon as they stop crying, you put them back down in the crib. If they start crying again, pick them up and repeat. She cried on and off for about 20 mins the first time this morning and then for maybe 12 minutes for the second nap. I'm not used to hearing Holly cry- she's a fusser, but not really a crier, so it's been a bit hard on my this morning, but it's working.

Tomorrow she'll be 4 months old! I'll post some pics at somepoint in her new Holly outfit.

Two posts in one day- feeling contemplative

One of the unexpected realizations after becoming a mother is that I haven't really had a good sense of myself over the past few years. In fact, the more "titles" I collect that are supposed to define who I am, the less I actually feel like me or know who I am.
1. I used to be just plain Emily who hung out with friends, enjoyed to read and write, and was social. This was the Emily from college and the first few years post college.
2. Then the word teacher was added to my name, but I still felt like myself. My life was full and I actually enjoyed and looked forward to each day.
3. Then I became a wife... and I think this is where I began to lose a sense of myself, as now I was someone's wife- tied to this person forever. I don't think I ever really thought about what this would entail and what it meant to my understanding of who I am. I became so stuck in being a wife and being connected to this other that I stopped seeing myself as an individual and only thought of myself in relation to S.
4. And now I add mom to this list and am even further from knowing who I am since everyday revolves around caring for Holly. My life is dictated by the needs of this tiny person.

So here is my dilemma. I love being a teacher, a wife, and a mother. I don't want to give any of those up, but how do I figure out who I am underneath all those labels?

Apparently I'm pretty funny looking

So for the past couple of weeks Holly has started making laughing type sounds- she's definitely been trying to laugh at things. Mostly she laughs when I swing her through the air really quickly. Either she enjoys being swung around or she is laughing out of relief when I stop- haven't figured that one out yet. But today I was just looking at her and she burst out laughing- it was the cutest thing ever!

Today is our anniversary- 5 years. We'll have a pretty normal night tonight, although we're going to the weekly stroller happy hour at one of the neighborhood restaurants and then we'll do something just the two of us this weekend. I'm really looking forward to some alone time with S that doesn't take place inside our apartment. As much as I love Holly, I really miss when things were just the two of us...

3 months!

She's got legs...

and she knows how to use them to wake herself up. It drives me crazy! So here's our night time routine. Bath around 7/7:15. Swaddle and last feed at 7:30. She'll eat for about 15 or so minutes and then I have to keep her upright on my shoulder for 30 minutes before I can put her down otherwise she spits up. Then b/c she's not quite asleep I have to stand over her in her crib with one hand on her legs to keep them from waking her up! She'll be perfectly quiet on my shoulder and then when I lay her in her crib the jolts start- she'll kick her legs up or give a shudder when she starts falling into a deep sleep. So that adds about another 20-30 minutes before she's finally asleep. I need a swaddle for her legs- any suggestions? I'm pretty cure duct taping her legs to the crib is not ok ;)

Holly has started to notice the dogs- well Natty at least. That's probably b/c Natty has no qualms about getting in Holly's face. It's kind of cute the way Holly will watch Natty- I wish I knew what she was thinking...

Two Months Old!

Yeah, so this post is a bit late, but Holly is fast asleep in her swing, S is at soccer and the dogs are sleeping, so I actually have time to post.

This is my fav!




And now for the comparison- does Holly look older? Compare her one month pic with her 2 month old pic...




At least her face has finally cleared up- hair isn't looking much better though!

To celebrate Father's Day today we're going with my parents, sister and cousin, who's in town doing SAT prep with my mom, to a late lunch/early dinner- taking Holly with us... this should be an experience. At least there are plenty of us to walk around with her in case the fussies start up.

It has taken Holly 2 months to finally take a pacifier. She finally sucked on the one we brought home from the hospital for more than a second yesterday and I've been sticking it in her mouth every chance I get. Does that make me a horrible mom? Up until this point the moment she got fussy I had to pick her up and walk her around or bounce her on my shoulder. Now I can just stick the pacifier in and actually use both hands to do things now- like type... this could be bad :(

Back to work ...

for 3 days that is. I went into school earlier this week for the end of year meetings while my mom watched Holly. I have to admit it felt really good to be out of the house and around adults. I actually looked forward to going in on Sunday night. It makes me think that I don't in fact want to be a stay at home mom- does it make me a bad mother that I enjoyed the time away from her? The only problem with working is that when I get home I just want to veg and that's just not possible with her :(

It's been so hard being trapped in this house with Holly and not feeling like I can go anywhere with her. She's eating about every 3 hours and I try to get her to nap for about 2 otherwise she gets really over tired and then nights are horrible. So with a schedule like that it means we really don't have time to do anything. She has decided that sleeping in her car seat is not that fun anymore, so taking her for walks in the stroller doesn't knock her out like it used to. It's also too hot and humid to walk around with her strapped to my chest using the ergo, so we're kind of stuck.

Holly loves to smile now and makes eye contact all the time. In fact I have to pretend I'm asleep when I'm holding her and trying to get her to get drowsy otherwise she just stares at me the whole time. Nights have been pretty good. She's been going down around 9:30 and sleeping until 4- except last night she woke up around 1:30 to eat but I think that's because her eating/nap schedule got messed up yesterday b/c she missed her afternoon nap when I went to pick her up at my mom's. So hopefully she will be back on schedule today.

4, 5, 6, 2 and 7!

What do these numbers mean?

The largest number of consecutive hours of sleep I've had in the past 5 nights. Things were going so well and then all of a sudden on Sat night Holly was up every 2 hours- I felt like she was a newborn all over again. Then last night she was in bed from 11-6- it was heaven! She also seems to be really happy today so I'm thinking that the more sleep she gets, the happier she is too! Now if there were some way to make sure she gets at least 6 hrs of sleep every night things would be great.

I've finally started to get smiles from her. Although she seems to save her biggest smiles for when she looks away from me. But I'll take what I can get at this point. I took some video of her playing on her mat this morning. She was kicking and squeaking. I'll try and post it once I figure out how to do it!

Stress

Daycare is seriously stressing me out... We thought we had everything set with a woman in our neighborhood. I called her references and they had great things to say about her. So we signed a contract with her and gave her $ for September. She is even letting us bring Holly part time and we get the summers off, but can keep our spot for September. Then my mom did some asking around at her school (the daycare woman's daughter went to high school where my parents teach) and it turns out none of the teachers she spoke to had anything positive to say about this woman- in fact they said they would not recommend her AT ALL. Plus another new mom in our neighborhood had some negative experiences with this woman and decided not to use her. So I don't know what to do... the parents of the kids she currently has say she's great, but these teachers who knew her a number of years ago said they have serious concerns- plus the other mom had a not great experience with her. How can I send Holly to someone I don't trust 100%. I just want to quit my job and stay home with Holly - it would make things so much easier and better. I just don't know what to do. We're on some waitlists, but there's no guarantee that we'll get off of them before September. I've been checking into some other places that do have openings for September, but they don't do part time- which means we'd be paying essentially another rent payment every month- which we could do, it would just mean we would have to seriously cut back in other areas. Why is finding daycare so difficult? I'm moving to Canada or Europe where they actually encourage mom's to stay home with their children.

I hate to be dealing with this and stressing about this when I should just be enjoying spending time with Holly :(

In Holly news, her smiles are getting more regular and more controlled, but she has yet to smile while making eye contact. She'll look at me, then look away and then smile. So hopefully Holly will start smiling directly at me soon. Although for now her look away smiles are pretty damn cute. She's also sleeping better at night. 3-4.5 hour stretches at a time, but I still wake up exhausted. Not sure how that's possible.

1 month picture

Pics

Pictures of S and Holly from mother's day... notice that I am not in any of the pics. I think I need to get someone to take pictures of me with Holly! Oh yeah, and Holly is one month old today! Please tell me that the first month is the hardest and it gets easier ;)

yep, still exhausted

Last week I finally felt like I was coming out of the newborn baby fog I've been in since bringing Holly home, but it seems to be back with full force. For a week she was sleeping for 3 hour stretches at night which meant I could sleep for 3 hour stretches at night too... in the last week though she has gotten REALLY good at getting out of her swaddle about an hour into her sleep, which means she is up way too often, which means I'm back to getting very little sleep :( I guess I shouldn't have been so optimistic about things getting better. It doesn't seem to matter what I swaddle her in, she manages to wiggle her arms out. We even have the miracle blanket but the problem with that is that it takes so long to put her in it that she ends up waking back up by the time she's totally swaddled and I have to start the process of getting her to sleep all over again.

She's also translated her no sleeping at night to no sleeping during the day as well- so I have to choose between shower, food or sleep in the 45 mins- an hour that she naps for at a time. I can't wait for her to get out of this newborn stage- it is sooooo not fun.

Enough bitching about that- how about some good things :)

1. The weather is finally nice- the rain seems to have finally gone. I think it rained every day for 2 weeks straight. The weather did not help the adjustment home with Holly, but now that it's nice out I hope we can take advantage of weather by taking some walks. I even managed to take Holly to the grocery store and Starbucks on Friday. I was surprised that I was physically able to walk all the way there and back without collapsing in exhaustion.

2. I can wear some of my pre-pregnancy clothes! Not all of them and some of my pants are still a little tight around the middle, but my stretchier pants definitely fit. Although with all the spitting up Holly does during the day I sometimes wonder why I even bother to get dressed in the morning.

3. I'm within about 5 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight! Granted I gained less than 30 lbs during the pregnancy anyway and somehow about 18 lbs disappeared by the time I was home from the hospital, but still. Unfortunately I have a saggy tummy that I am not happy with at all- and my butt seems to have disappeared- no idea where the hell that went! I just can't wait to be able to go back to the gym.

4. I think we found daycare. There's a French woman in our neighborhood who watches children and we met with her yesterday. When I first spoke with her she said she didn't do part time, but she's since changed her mind. So I think we can have her watch Holly for 3 days a week. My mom and S's mom will watch Holly the other 2 days during the week. That will help us save a ton of money on childcare. I just need to talk to her references this week. I will be soooo glad to have that piece taken care of. I'm not 100% sold on this woman though- not because I don't think she's qualified, but I think it's because she's French and comes off as French- which sounds silly to say. But what I mean is that she's not very warm and fuzzy- at least not with adults. That's one thing I want to ask her references about. I have to assume she's doing something right with the kids she cares for, given 2 of the 3 references have been sending their child to her for 2+ years.

And now I will leave you with some pictures:
Holly and her daddy having a screaming contest-



Chance stealing Holly's boppy-



Chance- being pathetic... When he wants food and his bowl is empty he usually digs around the bowl and moves it around so that we hear him and give him food. This time he just collapsed by his bowls. Poor pup!

Exhaustion and burping

What I wouldn't give for 8 or 6 or even 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep! (well obviously I wouldn't give up the babe, but you know what I mean). I know people always say to get sleep while you can- before the baby comes, but until you experience it, you just don't get it. At least I didn't. And honestly sleeping pre-baby wouldn't have helped anyway. So I guess I'll just be sleep deprived for the next .... umm I don't know how long- until it's ok to let H sleep through the night. She is actually a really good sleeper, and I know if I let her I could get a good 4 hour nap in if I needed too, but she's still too young and too little for that. I'm hoping that she'll be back up to her birthweight when we go to the drs tomorrow and that I can start pumping soon so S can give her a bottle now and then to let me get a little more sleep.

We spent 2+ hrs at the orthopedist today to get her frog leg looked at. The leg actually looks totally normal now- her left foot still doesn't straighten on its own though. Poor girl had to have x-rays of her leg, ankle and hip- and she hated it :( But the good news is that her "condition" is totally positional and will fix itself over the coming months. There's no bowing of her leg bones- which can sometimes happen, so that's good too. The one thing we will have to continue monitoring is her left hip b/c apparently breech babies can develop hip dysplasia. So she'll have to go back in 3 1/2 months to check her hip again. Hopefully nothing will develop with her hip. Considering I was breech as well and my hips are perfectly fine, I think H will be ok.

Things I suck at- burping the baby. Who knew it would be so difficult? For some reason I can never get her to burp after I feed her- but as soon as S touches her she belches- it's so frustrating. I know that when I don't get a burp out of her and I keep feeding her she ends up spitting up and then all that feeding was for nothing. So I end up spending a good chunk of her feeding time trying to get her to burp- and it sucks. I've tried the sitting on my knee position, the against the shoulder position and the over the shoulder position- none of them with great success.... so if anyone has any miracle burp position, please share with me! It would make feeding her go so much faster.

Off to catch a quick snooze before I have to feed her again- I feel like a cow :(

Pics!

Here are some pics to tide you over since my time to write is so limited... Enjoy!



Getting ready to go on a walk with Daddy!










Ready for a bath!



Nevermind- baths are no fun:(



All clean!

Welcome to the world little one!

I'm not pregnant anymore- yippee! Having no belly again is really really weird, as is having a baby ;)

Birth story- just in case you want to know how the c/s went... it's really long.

We went into the hospital at 3 on Tuesday for the scheduled c/s (she was breech and I had late onset IUGR). I think I was sort of in shock all day Tuesday - it was hard to wrap my head around the idea that at an exact time we would have a baby. The nurses in l&d were great - so supportive and helpful. I got hooked up to the fetal monitor and had an iv placed when I arrived. So S and I were in l&d for about an hour and a half doing prep for the c/s- getting me hydrated etc. They wheeled me into the OR around 5. The anesthesiologist was awesome- she talked to me the whole time she was putting the epidural in and yeah, it was not the most comfortable experience, but it wasn't painful. She and the nurses kept my mind off what was happening even though they still informed me of what they were doing. Once the epi was in I was strapped down on the table and they brought S into the room. The epi worked really quickly and before I knew it they had started. The anesthesiologist stayed by my head and she and S sort of gave me a play by play during the operation.

I was so worried that the epi wouldn't work and I would feel the incision- of course that didn't happen! The only thing I felt during the entire thing was when the 2nd dr in the room had to "jump" on me to push the baby down to the incision- that was the worst part of the actual operation b/c I could feel that. It didn't necessarily hurt, it was just really, really uncomfortable. The best part was when they finally pulled her out and I heard her crying. It was so surreal- hearing that cry for the first time! Of course I started crying once I heard her crying- that was what made it real. So Holly Emma was born on Tuesday and weighed 6lbs 14 oz- she's such a tiny thing! She also had the cord wrapped around her neck and shoulders, and would probably have had to come out via c/s anyway even if she hadn't been breech.

The only bummer from the experience is that b/c she was breech and apparently in a funky position inside me, one of her legs was bent awkwardly in utero. So when she came out her left leg was all crooked and looked like a frog leg. Her leg was awkwardly crooked and her left foot was at an incredibly awkward angle. Of course I picked up on that immediately and started freaking out on the table. I feel so horrible b/c the first few hours of recovery all I could think about was the leg and what if it was some kind of physical deformity that couldn't be fixed, etc. I thought the worst and instead of being thrilled to have a beautiful healthy baby, I was so fixated on her physical appearance and abilities. Her leg has gotten a lot better- it looks 80% normal now. We had an orthopedist come in and check her out and although he wasn't a peds orthopedist he thinks that the issue is purely positional- meaning that her leg is the way it is b/c of the way she was positioned in utero as opposed to a deformity in bone growth, etc. We are meeting with a peds orthopedic surgeon in 2 weeks to see if we just wait for the leg to fix itself or if we need to do a brace. But all the peds who've looked at her so far are confident that it's just a positional issue that will right itself. So I'm finally calming down about that!

I'm so glad to be home from the hospital- it was a long 4 days. It took me 24 hrs to finally get enough feeling back in my legs to be able to move. Getting the catheter out and walking for the first time was horrible. At that point I swore I'd never have another child again- knowing I'd most likely have to endure another c/s again! But as the days have progressed I've started feeling better. Today is the first day that I've been able to move a lot without writhing in pain. It's so good to be back home and not have nurses busting into the room every 2-3 hrs.

Aside from some normal baby blues type feelings, things have been going pretty well. Breast feeding seems to be hit or miss. My milk has definitely come in and my boobs are enormous. But Holly and I definitely need to sort out this whole latching thing- sometimes it feels like her tongue and mouth are covered in tiny little pins- all poking into my nipple at the same time. And other times it just feels like a gentle sucking. The lactation consultants were hit or miss at the hospital. When we take Holly to her ped next week I also have a meeting with one of the lcs there so hopefully I can get some more advice. I know it's still so early in this process and that it takes mom and baby time to learn how to do this, but given how painful it can be I want to know everything I can to help fix things sooner rather than later. Although I may feel totally different about this tomorrow if things are horrible tonight :(

In addition to Holly coming home today she also met her furry siblings. The dogs have been really good with her so far. Chance has been amazing! He sits in the room with me when I nurse and is so attentive to her noises. Natty of course wanted to lick her all over when they met. Natty has been kind of distant from me since we got home, I think she thinks I've replaced her :(

I'm hoping tonight won't be too bad-we had one really awful night in the hospital where Holly could just not be consoled. I felt like I was feeding her every hour - I don't think S and I slept more than an hour that night. Since that night, things have been better. I even managed to get about 6 hours of sleep- broken into 2 hour increments- last night.

I know I have so much more to write, so I'll save that for later posts- and I'll try to put up some pics tomorrow.

Still on for Tuesday

Barring serious real contractions and/or decreased baby movement over the weekend, we're still scheduled for Tuesday. Her heart rate looked good on the monitor so I guess things are still good.

The crib mattress finally came yesterday at 7 pm- after I had been waiting for it ALL DAY! So the nursery is finally done. Now all we really need is baby!

Just kidding

So we're NOT having a baby tomorrow... apparently because my fluid levels are back in the normal range and the placenta/umbilical cord is working properly the doctors decided to postpone the c- section. Because it's not a medical necessity to deliver this baby now, it would be considered an "elective" c-section at this point and you aren't allowed to do "elective" c-sections prior to 39 weeks. So we are rescheduled for 4/14. Crazy huh? Well at least we're now 99% ready for this baby to come!

I did get hooked up to the fetal monitor again at my appointment today and while I was hooked up I had a contraction that I actually felt- and boy did it feel weird. During the contraction the baby's heart rate dropped significantly and had trouble rebounding. All this during our discussion about postponing the c-section! So the doctor sent us to labor and delivery to hook up to the fetal monitors there and see if it happened again. S and I headed over to the hospital where I had to check in and go to l&d. I was hooked up for about 1.5 hours while they monitored me for contractions and the baby's heart. I had a few more, but the baby reacted normally to those- no weird drops in heart rate. At that point my doctor said it was fine for me to go home. So after about 2 hours in the hospital after our 45 min doctor's appt we finally came home to find that apparently someone needed to be home to SIGN for the damn mattress! The note I left to the Fed Ex guy with my signature on it was not valid enough for him/her to just leave the mattress. Hopefully they'll deliver it tomorrow while I'm at home and we can be totally done with the nursery.

Poor S thought yesterday was his last day at work for 2 weeks, and now he has to go back in tomorrow, Friday and Monday! Poor guy. If he didn't go back for these 3 days though it would come out of his paternity leave and he'd have less time to spend with the baby once she's born. So he'll just have to suck it up for the next few days.

I'm kind of annoyed at this whole turn of events- I feel like both S and I were emotionally prepared to have this baby. And now we have to wait- again! I have another doctor's appointment on Friday- it was already scheduled prior to the c/s getting moved up, so the doctor I saw today told me to keep it. Who knows what will happen at this one! While I'm glad that her heart rate and her movement are good and that they're aren't any obvious problems with the placenta and umbilical cord I do still worry about her size. I saw on my chart that it said I have iugr- intrauterine growth restriction. Basically for a variety of reasons- some horrible, some not so horrible- the baby isn't as big as she should be. I need to stay off the internet, but I just feel like I don't know ANYTHING about what's going on and I need some answers. Maybe I can get some on Friday.

Hookie

I feel like I'm playing hookie today. I should be at school right now teaching math... instead I am on bed rest and am watching Saved by the Bell- it's one of those weird eps that Kelly and Jessi are mysteriously not in. If anyone knows the SBTB back story of where they are in these eps and where motorcycle chick came from, please enlighten me.

3 days left... my mom and sister went out this weekend and bought us a ton of stuff we still needed- not essentials but things we'd have to get eventually like the stroller/carseat adapter. We still need our mattress! Stupid store never called me back on Sat and they're not open Sundays. So I'll be calling today to harass them. Thanks for the offer Rachel- we'll use my parent's pack n play for the first few days if it doesn't get here by the time baby comes home from the hospital.

So here's the schedule this week- tomorrow I have another ultrasound- not to measure the baby's weight, but to check the flow of blood from the placenta and make sure that still looks ok. If it doesn't look good I don't know what that will mean- that they'll do an emergency c section? Who knows. I almost would like them to do a weight estimate b/c maybe this time it will show that she's not a mini person, but is closer to a "normal" weight, but the dr said it was pointless to do another one within a week of the last one. Then I have an appt with the Dr on Wednesday. I'm assuming to hook me up to the fetal monitor again, but I'm not sure. It sounds like it will be a quick appointment. Then I have to pop into the hospital to get my blood drawn for the surgery on Thursday. Wednesday is going to be a long day...

We go into the hospital at 7 am on Thursday. They'll hook me up to an iv to get me rehydrated since I'm not allowed to eat/drink after midnight on Wednesday. Surgery is scheduled for 9/9:30 on Thursday- so if you happen to think of me and S at 9 on Thursday morning please send us good baby thoughts!

Then if all goes well we'll be home on Sunday- or at least the baby and I will. S is planning on coming home at some point during the 4 days I'm in the hospital to get some sleep and rest up. I hate that I'll have such limited mobility once the baby comes home :(

I'm sure I'll post again before the surgery with appointment updates.

ummm I'm not ready

I had an ultrasound on Wednesday to see how the baby is growing and check on her position... well, she's small. Apparently she's measuring 1.5-3 weeks smaller than where she should be given I'm 37.5 weeks. So that's not great news. I guess the good news is that they also looked at the circulation between the baby and placenta and that looks good- but for some reason she's just not getting enough nutrition from the placenta. So b/c of her size and the fact that she's not growing as she should be, the c-section has been moved up from 4/18 to 4/9- yes, that's right, next Thursday. The dr doesn't think things will progress to week 40 and he just wants her to get to 38 weeks so that her lungs will have a better chance of being mature.

They also had me hooked up to the fetal monitor to check her heart rate and to see if I was having contractions. She had a couple of dips in her heart rate, but nothing bad. And apparently I was having contractions, although I couldn't feel them. I guess there was nothing too concerning going on or I would have been admitted right then and there!

And I've been put on bed rest- not complete, but partial- whatever that means. So I thought I had next week to prepare for being gone for the rest of the school year, um nope. Good thing I brought my things home with me before break- just in case. So I guess I'll be pulling some things together from home and emailing them to my poor sub. I hope she doesn't have a heart attack when she finds out she's on her own on Monday. People were teasing me before break about not coming back- I guess they were right!

I think I'm in shock about how quickly things are moving. Mostly I'm just concerned for the baby. I hate that things aren't right with her and that for some reason she's not growing as she should be. Maybe the ultrasound measurements are just really off and we'll have had a big scare for nothing. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

S is kind of freaking out. I don't think he knows what to do! Plus we still have a bunch of things to get for the baby- currently she has no mattress! So we'll see how much we can get done this weekend.

Please send good thoughts to the baby to keep her growing!

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I don't know where the time has gone. Umm, I have 30 days left- how did we get here already? Baby is still breech. I've had an ultrasound every week for the past 3 weeks just to confirm her position. Apparently she keeps confusing the doctor b/c every time he feels her he thinks she has turned and so we head to the ultrasound room, only to find, yet again, a head up baby.

Last week I got to go to the good office for the ultrasound. She weighed 5lbs 3oz last Friday, which is right on track. She's got her head up near my ribs and for some reason she LOVES to put her legs/arms/hands whatever she can up in front of her face. It made it hard for the ultrasound tech to get a good 3-d pic of the baby- that plus apparently I have an anterior placenta, and the cord was up in front of her face... but I did get to see a 3-d pic of baby and I got one good printout of her face in 3-d. S came home and started cooing over how cute her nose is!

I think the baby is finally becoming real for him. He seems to be doing or trying to do more for me. Maybe it's because I am constantly complaining of being so uncomfortable. Between the sore pelvis, sore back, occasionally sore neck, groaning when I get up- I sound like an 80 year old with arthritis. The other sign that S is really starting to get ready for the baby is that yesterday he was trying to find a matching hat for the baby's coming home outfit- if you know S you know that he does care about how he looks, although in the last few years he has become less of a metrosexual. So it's no surprise that he is sort of into her clothes- the ocd part of him also wants to organize her drawers NOW. I'm happy that S is finally starting to be more of a partner in this whole baby thing- not that he wasn't before, but for awhile it just seemed like I was going through a lot of changes, etc without him and he just didn't know how to relate. He also seems to have gotten over his phobia of feeling the baby move. He doesn't pull his hand away as soon as she starts squirming and say ewww!

At our birth class this week the instructor gave us a suggestion for trying to get the baby to turn. Apparently if you lie on an incline, head down (like those inclines at the gym) and put something cold near the top of the belly and have something warm at the bottom of the belly so that the baby goes to the warm area, you can get a breech baby to turn. So given that I don't see myself going to the gym to try this experiment, we're supposed to use an ironing board propped up on our couch. I have no idea how an ironing board is supposed to hold my weight, but I'm not opposed to trying it. The instructor swears by it- my doctor did not seem impressed by the idea, but he said there was no harm in trying.

Upon hearing that I'm scheduled for a c-section my mom freaked out. I guess the thought of me having surgery to get this baby out does not sit well with her. I was breech until my mom went into labor and they I turned. And apparently my mom was breech too and eventually turned. Makes me think there's something genetic related to the baby's position.

Anyway, we're off to IKEA today to get curtains, organizers and a shelf for the baby's room. The fabric that I ordered for the crib skirt came this week, so I can start- or get my mom to start- make the skirt. I'm hoping that I can get everything in the room set up over spring break in 2 weeks. In the meantime I have one week of school left before break where I'm training my long term sub. Then I have my shower and a week of before break. I'll go back to school for one week and then be done- I can't wait! As much as I really like the group of kids I have this year, I'm ready for a break from them. I just hope my long term sub does well with them.

Ugghh. She's breech- which I kind of figured since I usually feel jabs in my lower abdomen and rolls in the upper abdomen. So c-section is scheduled for 4/18. We may or may not need it. She still has a good 6 weeks to turn, but the dr said there's only a 25-30% chance that she will turn, so odds are she won't. Surprisingly I'm ok with it. If I have to have a c section then so be it.

In other news it is BEAUTIFUL here today- upper 60s! Supposed to be in the low 70s this weekend. I love the spring! I just hope this weather stays put.

So - this post does not have a topic, but is more a collection of observations and complaints- it's not going to be terribly interesting. You have been warned.

1. I saw crocuses- crocusi- crocus? on my walk with the dogs yesterday. You know, those little purple flowers that tend to be the first indicators of spring. But it's February- and it's definitely not spring yet- despite the high 50s we are supposed to get tomorrow and Friday. Anyway, it gave me hope that maybe spring really is just around the corner and I can start enjoying being outside again.

2. I am big and uncomfortable.

Big-I honestly don't know how I can possibly get bigger over the next 8 weeks. I feel huge and would like this to be the biggest I get. Can't I be done already?

Uncomfortable- I tend to go through sleeping spurts. I was sleeping really well for awhile, but lately it's been really hard to get a good night's sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and then realize my hips hurt and I have to find a comfortable position- which takes time. In the meantime I've woken the dogs who take their time going back to sleep - and Natty usually decides she needs to sleep as close to me as she possibly can. Chance- who is S's dog, has also decided that for some reason he needs to sleep on my side of the bed- so not only do I have to try and get my body comfortable, I have to deal with both dogs on my side of the bed. I'm thinking I may implement a dog ban soon if things don't improve. Plus I've had a stiff/sore neck the past few days- and it sucks.

3. I'm totally unproductive at school. There is a lot I should be doing to prep for not being here the last 8 weeks of the year, but instead of doing what I should be doing, I tend to spend too much time on internet chat boards and perusing websites with pictures of nurseries. Luckily we've finally figured out who is going to take my class for the rest of the year and she'll start in early March- which means I will have to be productive.

4. I am behind in getting important baby related jobs done- like finding a pediatrician and daycare. Ugghh

Ta Da!

Presenting our almost finished nursery!

Before pics:







After pics:
The computer will be moved soon...













The last pic is of the knobs on dresser and the color I'm going to base curtain fabric and crib skirt fabric on so that the room is not all blue, beige and gray!


What do you think? S and I are both very impressed with our work. I personally love it! So things we still need to do, or things I still need to do: decide on fabrics for curtains, crib skirt, chair recover and trunk cover. We're keeping S's trunk in the room as a makeshift bench b/c there's no other place for it. I think we'll also keep our filing cart in there too- I'll probably get fabric to cover that too and put it next to the crib in that awkward corner.

I want to get a table or hanging lamp for the corner where we'll put the chair- where the computer is right now. I'm debating getting Japanese paper lanterns or a table lamp. We need to get a shelf or bookcase of some kind to put next to the dresser to hold diapers and supplies. We also need to figure out what to put on that beige wall behind the dresser. We're getting there! I can't wait till all the accessories are in and all we need is the baby!

Hope you are all having a great Valentine's Day- or if you're Meg, a great birthday! S and I will be hanging out on the couch, eating Z burger, and watching this week's Lost. What a romantic night!

Ugghh

I have not been sick this whole pregnancy- from colds, etc. I usually get a cold within the first 2 weeks of school and then again right around the holidays. Somehow I managed to avoid getting one- until now. Yuck. I hate colds. I guess I've let my guard down and haven't been using enough purell or washing my hands frequently. I feel like crap.

S's surgery went well yesterday. He did not actually ride his bike to the hospital. I did in fact drive him to and from. Luckily they were able to get rid of the mucuscele. So now he just has to wait up to 6 weeks for his breathing to improve. The dr also fixed his slight deviated septum. So he should be all better soon. But between the two of us, we are pretty pathetic right now :(

Nursery news! Our Flor tiles arrived yesterday! Yay! They are not the softest thing in the world, but I think they'll do their job and serve as a buffer between our apt and the one beneath. So once S's nose stops pouring out blood, we'll put the tiles down. And in even better news our crib arrived at Buy Buy Baby this week! It's at least 3 weeks early! I'm soooo excited! I'll probably drive up tomorrow to get it so that we can set it up this weekend and then we can also put up our decal. So that's why I haven't put up pics yet- I'm waiting till we have the crib. I will post pics early next week!

Yay!

I passed the 3 hour glucose test that I took on Friday! Whew- glad that is over with. Drinking the orange stuff the first time wasn't bad, but for some reason it tasted incredibly sweet the 2nd time I had to drink it. Yuck! So no gestational diabetes for me. Instead after thinking I might be in the clear with swelling, I've discovered that I'm starting to puff up. You would think I would have learned my lesson after feeling smug about not experiencing those other symptoms and then getting hit hard core, but no, apparently I can't gloat about not being swollen anymore either.

We finally painted over the weekend, well S and his dad did most of the work. The blue turned out well. The tan is a little lighter than I wanted, but it's fine. So tonight we are doing some touch up work and then maybe putting the decal up. I also ordered the rug and it's been shipped. Slowly the pieces are coming together! I also found some fabric that I love! Google Amy Butler and you can see some of her designs. I want to get some fabric to make a crib skirt and curtains and maybe a couple of other projects. Her fabrics are so fun- not little kiddish at all.

I'll post pics tonight if we get the decal up. If not I'll post pics as soon as we do.

Oh, and I need to revise a statement I made in an earlier post regarding S being a whiny patient. Apparently, I am told, S will not be a whiny patient. He has informed me that he plans on riding his bike to and from the hospital because he does not need my help at all. So I take back what I wrote before ;)

I Failed...

my 1 hour glucose tolerance test- by 9 freaking points! And to top it off I was still in the range of some doctors who use the cutoff of 140 instead of 130. So my damn 139 is causing me to spend 3+ hours in the doctor's office tomorrow for the 3 hour test. I better make sure I bring plenty to read. Unfortunately I don't think they have wireless, but I'm bringing my computer, just in case.

We are just giving the hospital loads of money these days... between the impending birth of our child and S's surgery next week, the hospital must love us. Don't worry- S's surgery isn't a big deal. He has what's called a mucuscele. Basically it's some thing in his sinuses, so he's getting it removed next week. So I'm taking the day off to accompany S to the hospital and nurse him back to health-- well really just attend to his whineyness once we're back home.

In baby news I'm almost at 30 weeks. How can I only have 10 weeks left?! That's crazy to me. I feel like we still have sooooo much to do. S is going to start painting this weekend- I think I've said that before! But he really is. It's supposed to be in the 50s here this weekend, so we can have the windows open to help air out the room. I can't wait for it to be painted and to put up the hummingbird decal. Of course I'm 2nd guessing our paint choices. I think the colors are too muted, but we'll see. I'll post pics once we have the room painted.

Quickie

Yay snow day! Well really it's an ice day b/c EVERYTHING is frozen over, although it's rapidly melting. Funny thing- watching dogs try to walk on ice covered sidewalks- a very entertaining way to start my day.

Rug Update

Thanks for the reminder about FLOR tiles, Meg! I did think about them, but was under the impression that they were more expensive. There are definitely designs I like better, but they are too much- so here are the 2 options.

Thoughts?






I do worry that the rug isn't very cushy, but at least it would provide some kind of sound barrier... and if the 8x10 is too small, I can just order the tiles separately and add on to cover more space. And yes, I am blogging during school hours. I am at school- on a day when I should be at home enjoying the snow. Yes, I am bitter.

Finally- a purchase- nursery news

We bought the crib on Saturday- FINALLY. Of course it was on backorder- at first we were told 8-12 weeks, but then she changed it to 6-10 weeks. See, S, we should have ordered it a long time ago since we bought it without your mom anyway! Who is always right? That'd be me. If you forget which crib I wanted, there's a pic of it in an earlier post- the AP Industries Lollipop crib- in white. Of course now I am second guessing getting a white crib- maybe we should have gotten a dark brown color? I think I'll feel better about the color once we have it and the room is set up.

We moved the couch out this weekend and are slowly making progress. The only thing on the walls are some of S's things on "his" wall. He gets one wall in the room since he had to give up the room for the baby. It was the least I could do and since his dresser and clothes are staying in the room, it made sense to at least give him the wall.

I am having a hell of a time finding a rug at a decent price- and by decent price I mean something under $200. I don't want to pay more for a rug than our crib! But I'm thinking we may have to suck it up and get a carpet remnant to cover the entire floor in the nursery in stead of a area rug. Even though our downstairs neighbors' bedroom is under ours, I have a feeling they will still be able to hear the baby at night- so we're going to need to muffle the baby noises in the middle of the night and the only thing I can think of is to carpet the whole room. Ughhh that will not be good for my allergies, but I don't think we'll have a choice :(

Now the next step is to paint the nursery (S sd he was going to buy the paint this week) and we still need to move the computer out- into the dining room. That will look good.

So here's my most recent obsession- crib mattresses. To go organic or not? The authors of Baby Bargains recommend getting the Colgate Classic I - firm and well priced. They also say that there is no evidence that traditional cribs are bad for babies... however, I've come across some info that says otherwise. While I wouldn't necessarily shell out 2-3Xs as much for an organic mattress just b/c it's organic, I would spend that money for a mattress that is not coated in potentially toxic chemicals used to make it fire retardant. So this is the dilemma. I need to find some reputable sources- scientific studies or something along those lines -so if you happen to know of any... Yes, I know that once this baby is born I will have to not worry so much, and yes, I know that I can't worry about every little thing b/c I will go crazy. But if I can potentially prevent SIDS by buying a mattress that does not have nasty chemicals that might be a cause of SIDS, then how can I justify not spending that extra money? Peace of mind... that's what I'm buying with an organic mattress. Specifically I'm looking at the Naturepedic ones b/c they have natural fire retardants and not chemical ones. Not all organic mattresses are created equal- not all refrain from using the chemicals to make them fire retardant.

Once we get the room painted I'll post pics b/c it might be awhile before this crib gets here!

Twins...

So we sat for the twins last Friday night while my cousin and her husband performed. Oh my god am I glad I just have one baby inside me right now! As cute as they are, it is so much work watching 2 infants at the same time! It took all 3 of us to take care of them (S, my sister, and me). The twins are about 4.5-5 months old, so at least they can sort of entertain themselves in their jumper and play mat. But that only lasts so long. M, the girl, is a screamer- she will cry and cry and cry and nothing can soothe her. While P, the boy, is as chill as can be.

I was quite impressed with S's take charge attitude while we were there- I think he wanted to prove to me- or himself- that he could in fact take care of a baby. Honestly, feeding them was the hardest part. They are the messiest eaters. Baby food got everywhere- my hands, my face, baby ears, baby eyes, baby clothes. And to make it worse, P likes to spit as he eats- so the food goes EVERYWHERE. The whole experience really made me appreciate the fact that I only have to do this with one child at a time- now I know why Kate (from J&K + 8) used to act the way she did about taking care of the sextuplets. Sooooo much work.

In other news, I spent Inauguration weekend holed up in our apartment. Between the cold, the crowd and my belly, I was not going anywhere! So when Baby T asks me where I was on the historic day, I will have nothing exciting to tell her.

I'm glad today is Friday. I think we're finally buying our crib this weekend. I've been pestering S about it for the last month- I'm worried it will be backordered or something and Baby T won't have a place to sleep! I'll let you know how it goes.

One more thing...

Tammy tagged me. So here's my tag post.



This is a pic of Natty and my sister. She's just so darned cute in her elf hat, I had to document it.

Here's how it works. Go to where your pics are stored, select the 4th folder and the 4th picture in that folder- upload it and explain it.

Rachel and Christine- you're it!

Crap- I think I jinxed myself

with that last post I mean. Guess what reared its ugly head yesterday- yep, heartburn. I better not write about any other pregnancy related ailments that I don't have because apparently that's a sure fire way to make sure I do have them. This sucks. So if anyone has any recs for pregnancy safe heartburn remedies, please send them my way!

Hormones are better. S and I had a good weekend and I think we are at a better place in terms of him being more aware of what is happening to me during this pregnancy. I thought about writing the word understanding in that last sentence, but I don't know if it's possible for men to really understand it all, or at least not S. So for now I'll just take comfort in knowing that he's aware that these next few months are going to be rocky and that my emotions might be all over the map. I think we're just not used to this kind of stress in our relationship- there's a lot we BOTH have to get used to and it's better that we start realizing that now and start working towards dealing with it now, rather than in 3 months when the baby is born.

Yes, that's right, I said 3 months- give or take. Crazy isn't it? Today I have 100 days left, tomorrow I will be in double digits. We still have a lot of baby stuff to do... a lot.

We'll get our first test run of caring for a baby this weekend- well 2 actually. My cousin, who just had twins this summer, is coming down to perform this weekend, and we are watching her twins Friday night. Luckily there will be 3 of us as my sister will be helping too. I'm sure it will lead to an interesting night which I will fill you in on later.

I am soooo looking forward to this weekend. We have an in service day on Friday - which for me will be a work from home day and then we have Monday AND Tuesday off- hello 5 day weekend! I CANNOT wait. Even though we've only been back to school for 2 weeks it feels a lot longer. I just hope I can get my reports done before this weekend so I can just relax. Speaking of reports I need to stop procrastinating and finish them up. S is at a Cap's game tonight so it's just me, the pups, and my dvred shows. What a night!

Hormones... (warning, this post is NOT uplifting)

...they suck. I've known that pregnancy causes changes in hormones for awhile- it's in all the pregnancy related info I've read. "You might be feeling more moody this month." "You might notice you're more sensitive." And on and on.

Let me back track. I've had a VERY easy pregnancy so far. And anyone who is pregnant or has been pregnant and did not have an easy pregnancy might hate me for saying this, but it's true.

Have I puked at any time during this pregnancy from morning sickness? No (I did puke once, but that was in my 2nd tri when I had that horrible bout of vertigo- probably the worst thing that happened to me during this pregnancy -so far- and that lasted only 24 hrs).

Have I suffered from heartburn yet? No (there are a number of girls on the message boards where I post who claim they have had heartburn since day one of their pregnancy)

Have I been nauseated? Not really- during the 1st trimester if my stomach was empty I would get a little nauseas, but nothing a few crackers couldn't fix.

So all in all, I feel like things have gone pretty well for me over the last 6 months. I've been really lucky.

And because of my lack of "normal" pregnancy side effects, I've come to think of myself as immune to any of the bad stuff. Not so much anymore. I've become EXTREMELY sensitive this last month- to the point where I'll be driving home and some baby related thought will pop into my head and I'll just start crying and I can't stop. Or I think about something horrible happening to S before the baby is born and I fall apart. Or S will say something in a joking way that I would normally be able to brush off, but instead I end up balling for an hour. I even had a breakdown Christmas morning over something trivial. It's ridiculous - logically I know that. But in the moment I am just so overcome by emotions that I just lose it. And even writing this post right now has me tearing up b/c I think about being sad in those moments and it makes me sad all over again!

The worst part is that S doesn't know what to do with me. He's never been good with emotional things and usually when I cry he just ends up getting mad at me. This last month has been no exception and that just ends up making things worse b/c on top of me being upset about something he's done unintentionally, I end up getting upset with the way he responds to me and it just keeps this vicious cycle going. And it sucks. The one time he had an appropriate response was on Christmas morning and so my crying bout only lasted 10 minutes instead of half an hour.

So I've come to realize I'm not immune to all things pregnancy related and it kind of sucks. I know it's going to be a long time before my hormones settle down- like months after the baby is born. In the meantime I'm just going to be an emotional mess and there's nothing I can do about it :(

Christmas Part Two

So we had our second Christmas today. Guess who wasn't there. Yes, that's right. S's bro was a no show. I don't really know why he didn't make it up this weekend, but he didn't, so it was just the four of us. I had a feeling E would not make it up here. We actually found out earlier in the week that E and his gf would not be coming up. It made for a relatively short visit with the Ts, but we had a mini Christmas dinner (complete with the best ham biscuits ever) and exchanged presents. I think E has known since Thanksgiving that he wouldn't be up here for Christmas b/c apparently he had plans to go to his gf's family's house on Christmas Eve. It was still a nice day and Baby T got lots of presents.

Now I just have to mentally prepare for going back to school tomorrow. I don't know where this break went. On the one hand I feel like I've been out of school for months, on the other hand I can't believe break is over already. :( January is going to be a busy month, so I hope that means it will go by quickly. We have progress reports due later in the month and a 5 day break in the middle of the month. We get the Friday before MLK Jr day off, MLK Jr day and that Tuesday (for Inauguration). So that will be nice. I think I can make it through January, but Feb and March are always hard. We do get President's Day off in Feb, but I think our spring break is late this year- very end of March beginning of April. That is going to make for a sucky March- come on snow days!

I am getting very anxious about setting up the nursery, and we have made very little progress. The couch is still there. We did manage to donate A LOT of stuff the other weekend, so that was good. I've been stalking Craigslist for a short dresser to double as a changing table. I've seen a lot of posts for the one I want from Ikea, but apparently other people are much better at buying off of Craiglist than I am b/c every time I email people about dressers I either get no response or they tell me it's been sold already. I did find the large version of the dresser that I want for the nursery. We're actually getting it today from a craigslist seller (as long as she calls us back!) So that will help clear up some clutter in our room. It's a lot larger than my current dresser so I will actually be able to fit all my clothes in it and make room under the bed for odds and ends instead of my clothes. I think we also figured out paint colors. S hasn't decided when he wants to paint yet, but once that's done I'll feel like we're actually getting somewhere.

I've spent enough time this break procrastinating, so I guess I should put in a few hours of report writing tonight and make my life easier the next couple of weekends. Off to do work!

Welcoming in 2009

Happy New Year!

I actually managed to stay up pretty late last night- 1:30! I think it's because I've been on vacation for awhile now and I'm not as exhausted as I usually am from teaching. We had a nice night last night. My sister and E came down for dinner, as did our neighbors across the hall. I made lasagna- yum! Then we played some Catchphrase and Guitar Hero before turning on Dick Clark/Ryan Seacrest. I have to say, as much as I'm into tradition, I think it's time for Dick Clark to retire from hosting NYE- I just feel so bad for him and it makes me sooo uncomfortable to watch him on tv. Although he was a bit better this year than last year. Anyway, the drinkers in the group managed to do a power 16 minutes before the ball dropped. I have to say I was a bit sad not to be participating in the drinking festivities of NYE- and it was weird to think that next year we'll be celebrating with a little person (although I'm hoping she'll be asleep at midnight, but who knows).

I am not a NY resolutions person- they annoy me; I don't know why. I don't think I've ever made one- I guess that means I don't try to improve myself from year to year? I think over the years I've become a less reflective person and try to live more in the moment- or in the future. I tend to not look back - and if you don't like back on life, how can you resolve to do something different in the future? So I have no New Year's resolutions to report. Instead I'm just looking forward to what 2009 will bring-a lot of changes for us, or maybe just one gigantic change that will result in a lot of small changes. Either way, I'm particularly excited for these next few months to pass- quickly. But I'm trying hard not to wish my life away by looking too far into the future. It will be hard, but I'm going to focus on enjoying these last few months of just the two of us.

In baby news, we've reached another milestone- 24 weeks- viability day. Every day from today, baby T has a greater chance of survival if she is born prematurely. Let's just hope we don't have to deal with that scenario, but if we do...

S and I are settling in for a day of vegging before our busy weekend starts. We have a lot of TV to watch- the NHL winter classic- Blackhawks vs Red Wings in Chicago, a Caps game later tonight and the Virginia Tech bowl game. We'll see how much of the sports I can tolerate today. Then tomorrow it's off to test strollers and look at carseats - again- since I've vetoed the ones we originally registered for- too many bad reviews. We also have to do some last minute Christmas shopping- yes, I know it's over, but we still have to do ours with the Ts and S's bro is bringing up his girlfriend and her son, so we have to figure out what to get them. Then it's Christmas at the T's on Sunday- not exactly how I want to spend my last day of break, but oh well.

Enjoy the day and recovering from your hangovers! (I am not jealous about missing out on that this year!)