She's napping in her crib! Holly has not successfully napped in her crib since she was a month old. She has taken all her naps since then on me, someone else or her swing. This has made for very unproductive, boring and lonely days for me. I picked up Baby Whisperer yesterday on a whim (hadn't looked at it in awhile, since the last time I tried to use the suggestions, unsuccessfully) and decided that since Holly is starting day care in less than a month we have to do something about her not napping in her crib. I'm pretty sure the day care people will not be as patient as I, walking her around and around until she falls asleep. So I read up on naps and how to put her to bed (at night and for naps) without the use of props- walking, the boob, etc. So far I've gotten her to take 2 naps in her crib today using the pickup/putdown method. I'm impressed. The first nap only lasted for about 45 mins and she fussed for about 5-10 mins after her nap. She's been asleep for almost an hour and half now, with a little bit of fussing at the 45 min mark. Remarkably she was able to put herself back to sleep in the middle of the nap. I do feel bad though b/c she cries a lot when I first put her down. The strategy is to put them in the crib, when/if they start crying, you pick them up, soothe and as soon as they stop crying, you put them back down in the crib. If they start crying again, pick them up and repeat. She cried on and off for about 20 mins the first time this morning and then for maybe 12 minutes for the second nap. I'm not used to hearing Holly cry- she's a fusser, but not really a crier, so it's been a bit hard on my this morning, but it's working.
Tomorrow she'll be 4 months old! I'll post some pics at somepoint in her new Holly outfit.
One of the unexpected realizations after becoming a mother is that I haven't really had a good sense of myself over the past few years. In fact, the more "titles" I collect that are supposed to define who I am, the less I actually feel like me or know who I am. 1. I used to be just plain Emily who hung out with friends, enjoyed to read and write, and was social. This was the Emily from college and the first few years post college. 2. Then the word teacher was added to my name, but I still felt like myself. My life was full and I actually enjoyed and looked forward to each day. 3. Then I became a wife... and I think this is where I began to lose a sense of myself, as now I was someone's wife- tied to this person forever. I don't think I ever really thought about what this would entail and what it meant to my understanding of who I am. I became so stuck in being a wife and being connected to this other that I stopped seeing myself as an individual and only thought of myself in relation to S. 4. And now I add mom to this list and am even further from knowing who I am since everyday revolves around caring for Holly. My life is dictated by the needs of this tiny person.
So here is my dilemma. I love being a teacher, a wife, and a mother. I don't want to give any of those up, but how do I figure out who I am underneath all those labels?
So for the past couple of weeks Holly has started making laughing type sounds- she's definitely been trying to laugh at things. Mostly she laughs when I swing her through the air really quickly. Either she enjoys being swung around or she is laughing out of relief when I stop- haven't figured that one out yet. But today I was just looking at her and she burst out laughing- it was the cutest thing ever!
Today is our anniversary- 5 years. We'll have a pretty normal night tonight, although we're going to the weekly stroller happy hour at one of the neighborhood restaurants and then we'll do something just the two of us this weekend. I'm really looking forward to some alone time with S that doesn't take place inside our apartment. As much as I love Holly, I really miss when things were just the two of us...
and she knows how to use them to wake herself up. It drives me crazy! So here's our night time routine. Bath around 7/7:15. Swaddle and last feed at 7:30. She'll eat for about 15 or so minutes and then I have to keep her upright on my shoulder for 30 minutes before I can put her down otherwise she spits up. Then b/c she's not quite asleep I have to stand over her in her crib with one hand on her legs to keep them from waking her up! She'll be perfectly quiet on my shoulder and then when I lay her in her crib the jolts start- she'll kick her legs up or give a shudder when she starts falling into a deep sleep. So that adds about another 20-30 minutes before she's finally asleep. I need a swaddle for her legs- any suggestions? I'm pretty cure duct taping her legs to the crib is not ok ;)
Holly has started to notice the dogs- well Natty at least. That's probably b/c Natty has no qualms about getting in Holly's face. It's kind of cute the way Holly will watch Natty- I wish I knew what she was thinking...