Friday, January 9, 2009

Hormones... (warning, this post is NOT uplifting)

...they suck. I've known that pregnancy causes changes in hormones for awhile- it's in all the pregnancy related info I've read. "You might be feeling more moody this month." "You might notice you're more sensitive." And on and on.

Let me back track. I've had a VERY easy pregnancy so far. And anyone who is pregnant or has been pregnant and did not have an easy pregnancy might hate me for saying this, but it's true.

Have I puked at any time during this pregnancy from morning sickness? No (I did puke once, but that was in my 2nd tri when I had that horrible bout of vertigo- probably the worst thing that happened to me during this pregnancy -so far- and that lasted only 24 hrs).

Have I suffered from heartburn yet? No (there are a number of girls on the message boards where I post who claim they have had heartburn since day one of their pregnancy)

Have I been nauseated? Not really- during the 1st trimester if my stomach was empty I would get a little nauseas, but nothing a few crackers couldn't fix.

So all in all, I feel like things have gone pretty well for me over the last 6 months. I've been really lucky.

And because of my lack of "normal" pregnancy side effects, I've come to think of myself as immune to any of the bad stuff. Not so much anymore. I've become EXTREMELY sensitive this last month- to the point where I'll be driving home and some baby related thought will pop into my head and I'll just start crying and I can't stop. Or I think about something horrible happening to S before the baby is born and I fall apart. Or S will say something in a joking way that I would normally be able to brush off, but instead I end up balling for an hour. I even had a breakdown Christmas morning over something trivial. It's ridiculous - logically I know that. But in the moment I am just so overcome by emotions that I just lose it. And even writing this post right now has me tearing up b/c I think about being sad in those moments and it makes me sad all over again!

The worst part is that S doesn't know what to do with me. He's never been good with emotional things and usually when I cry he just ends up getting mad at me. This last month has been no exception and that just ends up making things worse b/c on top of me being upset about something he's done unintentionally, I end up getting upset with the way he responds to me and it just keeps this vicious cycle going. And it sucks. The one time he had an appropriate response was on Christmas morning and so my crying bout only lasted 10 minutes instead of half an hour.

So I've come to realize I'm not immune to all things pregnancy related and it kind of sucks. I know it's going to be a long time before my hormones settle down- like months after the baby is born. In the meantime I'm just going to be an emotional mess and there's nothing I can do about it :(

1 comment:

  1. Just wait until after you deliver... I would randomly burst out into tears throughout the day for the first few weeks with no prompt or pattern or anything and Mark would look at me like I was crazy and then say "Do I need to call that nurse" (referring to the discharging nurse who talked about PPD. Rest assured, it diminishes...